#this gets a “where is waldo” tag

[thatlastdanceofchances]

Pretty!

And I want a "Janet knows" sign! :-D

[feral-ass-raccoon]

Here

i genuinely didn't see her at first lmao, but she seems tired

[emmanemoni]

I love reading stuff that isn't very well written, it's so entertaining when the plot kinda disappears, and guessing what was supposed to be said when typos and autocorrect mess up a sentence is so fun!

[valiant-portabella-pirkko]

fun fact: I actually have not 1, not 2, but 3 dedicated playlists of OST-style music for my various Guild Wars 2 AUs, and... that, of all ways, is the closest I get to "outlining" my stories. every sequence has a dedicated track that I picked out according to what I'd imagine playing in-game if it was an actual playable story arc in Guild Wars 2.

Regrowth's playlist has 59 songs and Flourish has 28.

then the Tideturners have one too, with a grand total of 22.

......... I don't have a problem,

[malarkgirlypop]

I love playing where’s Wally with gene, he’s very good at it

BAND OF BROTHERS | CURRAHEE

Doc Roe in the background of scenes (pt. 1/?)

[schoenht]

Loneliness of Evening

WHERE'S WALDO?

《 previous | masterlist | bottomless pitcher of rage 》

a/n: WE ARE SOOOOO BACK im finally getting inspiration again and i'm getting the rhythm back wahoo ALSO if you have not been tagged and have asked in the past, there's a possibility i haven't seen it! So pls ask again </3

taglist: @taruruchi @sinofthesloth @lunavixia @daydreaminglioness @prefesro @meigalaxy @kenma-izhu @aquatickz @the-ghost-0f-t0m0 @shirishere @kunikame @rincommittedarsin @norylight @doughnuts-eater @stormyovent0aster @4ngelholic @iameliseposts @shatiyuh @nobody3xe @cecil-garlicbread @the-dumber-scaramouche @dontmindtheevie @mysticcyan @cross-crye @yuuka-chan-twst @ravenkake @immahuman @ranacr0ak @truck-senpai @i-stirred @unlikelyinternetprincess @fanlovedlt @wrathy-mcwrathface @verity-moon @poorunfortunatesimp @lil-pond-frogg @bbgbonald @ritsufied @kahunap @yoongi-tunes @be4rzy @aryuunachigiri @elluzstratez @starchilll @eliza-be-t-h

REMINDER: Taglist is open! Send an ask or DM me to be added! Please let me know if you have changed your blog name so that I can update it, if you are crossed out I could not tag you. If you are not added, it is possibly bc I cannot tag you and I will try again in the replies or in the reblogs !!!

[bottombingheweek]

Summer mini-event: Bottom Binghe Summer Bingo!

We're turning over a new leaf. Our summer mini-event is TOTALLY SFW WE PROMISE.

#bottombingheweek24 Summer Bingo runs till 9/2. After all, you wouldn't want Binghe to show up covered in white after Labor Day!

Reblog or send us a message with your bingo to win a prize! Rules, a plain bingo card, and plain text version of the prompts under the cut.

Use the bottombingheweek24 tag for your works or post to the BBW Mini Events collection!

Rules

Interpret the prompts as loosely as you want. Feel free to be very silly. Works can have any rating (keeping it SFW was in fact a joke but you could totally make something 100% SFW if you wanted).

Fics, art, moodboards, headcanons, comments on fics/art, memes, anything counts! If you're participating by commenting, make sure to share the new bottom Binghe fics/art you found, too.

Prompts don't have to be all in the same work. You could get a bingo by creating 5 things, or 1 thing, or smush your blackout all together into one unholy Where's Waldo art (but with, presumably, more hole).

Speaking of blackouts, there's a special prize for getting a blackout!

We'll share your prize with you privately- keep it a secret until the game is over so as not to spoil it for others!

Plain text prompts

(L->R, top->bottom)

ice | stripping to stay cool | body shots | applying sunscreen | sundress

water fights | (cold) pool party | popsicles | sweat | underwater

beach volleyball | sex on the beach | free space | sunburn | diving

wet and messy | wet clothes | summer nights | skinny dipping | short shorts

bathing suits | hot dogs | fishing | grilling | heat

Plain bingo card

[the-tomcat-disposable]

Short fic based off of this by @nami-ramen because I couldn't stop giggling about it

Summary: the Waldos take turns tossing around the detective. Why not play with their food a little bit?

TW: non consensual tossing?? I guess. Very briefly implied murder.

No beta read we die like Waldo's victims.

Shoutout to the dumb little joke me and @wyvernet made once about the Waldo clones calling each other who/what/when/where/how

The detective was by no means a morning person. They blinked their eyes open and groaned at the tightness in their head as their alarm blared obnoxiously. Ever since they were assigned to Waldo's case, they'd been getting headaches more frequently. They hoped that this wasn't the start of one. They reached over to the alarm clock and hit whatever button their hand landed on first to silence its beeping. Hesitantly, they carefully slid out of bed, wishing they could stay longer in their wife's hold, but their job was important.

After stretching and popping all their stiff joints, they yawned as quietly as they could, giving Wenda's sleeping form a gentle kiss on the cheek before dragging themselves to their shared closet. What Waldo would do to make their day worse is a mystery that they did not look forward to.

...

They did enjoy the morning commute to their office. The crisp air of autumn and the orange leaves illuminated by the rising sun made life feel so surreal. The morning news played through the radio, reminding people to stock up on candy for trick-or-treaters with a warning for parents to check their kids' bags afterwards for drugs and such. They detective sighed at that— it really was never as big of an issue as the news reported it to be, and they had the statistics to prove it, but they knew that there were people out there who were the reason that the lady reporting it needed to say it every year. They briefly wondered if taking a job as a news reporter would be better than the constant stress that Waldo puts them under.

"Make sure you stay warm! The weather this week—" the detective groaned as they tuned it out. Cold, yes, just like it was for the previous weeks. They saw frost settling on the ground and their breath forming a cloud when they exhaled, not to mention that they felt like a block of ice. That was plenty to know that they probably should have borrowed one of Wenda's scarves today, but it was too late. They had already pulled into a parking lot behind a coffee shop and noticed a barista catch sight of their car on the way in and run back to the kitchen.

Something rustled the leaves of the hedge behind the detective's car as they slammed the door and locked the car. They glared at the now unmoving leaves for a short while, always suspicious of a potential Waldo attack, and sighed with some disappointment when a cat jumped out of it and mrowed a greeting at them. It blended in very well with the orange and brown of it's surroundings.

"Hey, little guy—" they glanced at the cat's name tag, "Egg. You here for coffee too?" the detective questioned her, and she nipped their leg and ran off with a hiss.

"Ow! Rude! This is why I prefer dogs," they scolded. They swore they heard a chuckle as they walked to the front of the nearly empty coffee shop and entered. Thankfully, the barista had already had their coffee ready.

"Your coffee to go, Mr 'black with enough caffeine to kill a horse,'" the barista joked, wearing the forced smile that they were trained to wear, though it seemed genuine when they saw them. The detective reached into their coat and pulled $12 from their wallet to hand to the barista.

"It's still $12, correct?" the barista hummed an 'uh-huh' as they took the money and tossed it into the register. "Such a shame that this place isn't flooded with customers. It's that season when people usually do."

The detective sipped their coffee as they chatted with the barista. They'd attempted to ask questions about the Waldo case, though the detective would not answer them. A cat— maybe the same cat that bit them— yowled from outside, and the detective quickly thanked the barista before rushing back outside towards the parking lot to investigate the commotion.

"Ah, detective, hello! Fine morning, isn't it?" the tall, striped figure stood beside their car, holding the cat by the scruff and away from himself. He balanced on his cane and the cat yowled in terror as Waldo's grin widened impossibly wide before changing to look more human again. He dropped the cat and she scattered away faster than the detective had ever seen a cat run.

The detective blinked at Egg as she left then back at Waldo, who had moved slightly closer. The detective moved backwards the same amount of steps and silently prayed that they wouldn't meet the same fate as his predecessor who they considered to be a mentor. They chugged down a few more gulps of their coffee and felt it as the caffeine and heat properly woke them up.

"Couldn't you wait until I clocked in?" the detective scoffed. Waldo kept his distance and laughed over the sound of faint static from somewhere nearby.

"I believe this is a special occasion, detective. Why wait?" Waldo stepped closer. "Do you know what day it is, detective?"

"Fuck o—" the detected hissed as they stepped backward, cut off by long arms swooping them up bridal style. The surprise caused them to drop their coffee on the cement as they yelped at the sight of a second Waldo grinning mischievously at them. Would this be the end for them?

"Heads up!" was the last thing they heard before being hurled into the air with surprising force from such a lanky creature. They squeezed their eyes shut to brace themselves for the pain of the impact against solid ground but they hadn't landed against the cement. They opened their eyes to stare up at Waldo, then quickly afterwards, noticed three more clones standing in a circle. Their canes were each hooked around one arm as they held them both open.

They quickly understood what was happening as they attempted to escape Waldo's hold, though it was futile as his grip only tightened.

"Detective, struggling will get you hurt," Waldo scolded with a tsk-tsk-tsk. Before the detective could ask why he was tossing them back and forth between himself, Waldo shouted to one of them. They shouted curses as they were hurled into the air repeatedly with calls of "Where, catch!" or "How, catch!" which the detective gathered to be nicknames these pretend humans used for each other.

This continue for a while, until the Waldo nicknamed "What" had shouted to "Who" to catch. "Who" seemed different from the rest. The most notable difference being that his cane seemed lighter than the others'. They didn't have time to think on this, as they were thrown into the air once again before landing with a thud against "Who," both of them landing on the cement.

The Waldos all groaned with displeasure at this as three of them had cursed and disappeared with a crackle of electricity. The detective stood up to get a proper look at him. He was different. He looked almost just like the rest of the Waldos, except for small hairs above his lip. Before they had a chance to question this, Waldo scoffed and hooked his cane around the detective's neck and yanked them against his body and spun around, holding them there as they kicked and grabbed at the cane for what felt like longer than a few seconds.

"Detective, you had the opportunity to capture one of us just then, you realize?" Waldo grinned, purring with curiosity. He released the detective and with a gasp, they looked to where "Who" had been just moments ago. As expected from a Waldo, he wasn't there now.

"Damnit," the detective cursed as the last remaining Waldo hummed the tune of a Halloween classic. They looked solemnly at their spilled coffee on the ground, completely unsalvagable now. Their $12 was wasted all because Waldo thought a game of "catch the detective" would be funny. As a car horn honked in the distance, a static crackle sounded as they turned to lunge at Waldo, only to find a red envelope in his place.

"Dear detective, I appreciate your attempt to capture me, though you should have taken the chance to do so sooner. Don't cry over spilled coffee, now! You'll have an opportunity to stop by here again.

— Waldo"

[elsbunny]

— the elevator doesn’t even work! this gotta be the hidden hell… — you picked up some of your stuff and faced the stairs

after getting everything together in your new dorm, you started unpacking. still oblivious to your surroundings

— wanna hear a fun fact about stairs? — chaeryeong hold onto their food as they go upstairs

— not really — ryujin looked over her shoulder — about the game though. i’m telling you, I’m just one level away from unlocking the ultimate weapon!

— ryujin, your obsession with fictional weaponry is both alarming and detrimental to your social development — chaeryeong sighed annoyed

— fun fact about stairs, i am about to push you down one — ryujin stopped walking as she heard a girl laughing — new neighbor?

they both stood in front of your door looking at you unboxing your stuff, while some pop song played in the background

— evidently — chaeryeong said without care

— significant improvement over the old neighbor — ryujin eyed you carefully, taking a good look at your delicate figure

— smelly boy with a skin condition? yes she is — chaeryeong looked at ryujin, expecting her to move to their apartment

— oh, hi! — you said bubbly, finally noticing the two girls who stood like statues

— hi! — ryujin replied nervously

— hi. — chaeryeong waved at you quickly

— hi! — ryujin said it again, kinda lost in your sight

— hi? — chaeryeong just followed her friend again

— hi… — you gave a confused look

— sorry! we… we didn’t mean to interrupt, we live across the hall — ryujin pointed at the door behind her

— oh, that’s nice! — you smiled at them, making them understand that you thought they were girlfriends

— oh, no! we don’t live together… i mean we live together but in separate platonic bedrooms — ryujin eyes were wide open

— guess im your new neighbor, y/n! — you walk into them

— ryujin, and she’s chaeryeong — ryujin smelled your perfume and she sweared she could die in peace

- hi!

— hi…

— hi?

— hi. — ryujin pinched chaeryeong, hoping that she could read the room and stay quiet — oh, well welcome to the building!

— thank you! maybe we can grab a coffee someday — you smiled, friendly — um, i got to finish this — you pointed at the boxes

— sure yeah… yeah bye — ryujin waved

— bye. — chaeryeong was already crossing the hall

— bye — you waved back

— bye — ryujin anxiously said it again, immediately regretting it and running to her apartment

— what’s the purpose of this offering? — chaeryeong questioned the coffee offer as they sat on the couch— is she attempting to bribe us for something?

— no, she was just being nice i guess — ryujin brushed her off — we could ask her to play where’s waldo with us

— the girl couldn't even find her bra this morning, don't be silly

the big bang theory —> intro

notes: please tell me if you guys want me to make a tag list and lmk if f u are liking the smau!! love uuu

y/n’s group > ryujin’s group > next

[fictarian]

kind of a niche(?) request, but hcs for hobie with a spider s/o who has an ability like ant man (shrinking down to the size of a spider) and usually spies on other people? thank you !! >_<

𝐇𝐢𝐦 <𝟑 . ⋆.ೃ࿔*:･ 𝐏𝐭. 𝟗

ღ I’m actually so obsessed with this request, I literally couldn’t wait until I got back home to write it 😭 While on the trip, I was brainstorming headcannons so I could be prepared. Shoutout to my followers who are under 5’6 😝 (I’m kidding ily you guys)

ღ No cause we’re already at 129 followers and I find that so CRAZY, WHERE DID YOU GUYS COME FROM????

ღ Hope you guys like my new theme 😈😈😈 I’ll try my best and keep it for at least a week LOL

ღ Previous part can be found here !

• Even before you two started dating, Hobie had incorporated a small pocket in his jacket for you to ride in whenever you activated your ability. He always used it to sneak you into meetings that you weren’t invited to, but eventually, Miguel caught on to your guys’ scheme and told Hobie to not wear that specific jacket to meetings anymore.

• …So instead he incorporated a pocket on his boot LMFAOO

• Due to hanging around you so much, Hobie has gotten a sixth sense of knowing exactly where you are when you’re spider size. Bro is literally playing ‘Where’s Waldo’ when it comes to you LMFAOOOO.

• You had made it your personal goal to become unnoticeable to Hobie whenever you enter a room, but alas, he somehow ALWAYS manages to spot you.

“Y’know I can see you, right luv?”

“fuck you, no you can’t”

• Right before you guys head to your own respective missions, you always run up to him in little form (you’re much faster when you’re small), switch to normal size, and press a goodbye kiss on his cheek before switching again and running into the portal your wrist watch made.

• You two barley have any time between missions to properly give each other affection, so you always make sure to AT LEAST give him a quick kiss on the cheek, or even a hug if you have time.

• But anyways, back to the topic of spying.

• When you’re small, you’re practically invisible. AND BETTER YET, you can go anywhere you want.

• What does this mean? You have all the latest news and gossip, and when I mean all, I mean ALL.

• Like, you know everything that’s going on. And who gets to hear all about it? Hobie obviously.

• AND BRO EATS THAT SHIT UP!!!

• Hobie’s just tuning his guitar, when suddenly, you’re at his side on the couch with your legs propped on his lap.

“Hm?”

“You will not believe what Jessica said about Miguel behind his back”

“…Go on”

• Now intrigued, Hobie pulls on your ankles until you’re then sitting on his lap, giving you his full attention RAHHHH.

• You’d rant about everything you heard that day, and Hobie would listen with a small smile on his face, his chin on top of your head while his larger hand traced shapes on yours.

• Not even 30 minutes went by, and he had stopped paying attention to what you were saying, instead focusing on your voice. Hobie loved how fast you spoke when you got excited, how easily you lost your train of thought when you thought of something more interesting you heard that day…

“Are you even listening to what i’m saying?”

“‘M sorry luv, got distracted”

“Hobie!”

tag list ! @zalayni @luvstarrstruck @jrrantss @pixqlsin @kairiscorner @k4tsu3 @asmobeuses @maxoloqy @miirene @nokkihy

[mommahughes19-23]

lil fun fresh outing - J.H

@jordan.zegras : lil boys weekend ft me

tagged : @jackhughes @trevorzegras @colecaufield

location : a car

jackhughes : my babygirl , thank you for putting up with usss ❤️��🥰

↪ jordan.zegras: @jackhughes youre very lucky youre cute 🥴😘

lhughes_06 : wtf where is my invite? 🙀

↪ jordan.zegras : idk where was mine and jacks invite to worlds? @lhughes_06

↪ jackhughes : @lhughes_06 ill invite u when u invite me

nicohischier : I feel like every time you post there's a new tattoo to find its like where's Waldo👀👀

↪ jordan.zegras : I like to keep u on your toes cappy, also how do u know who Waldo is

dawson1417 : ouch they messed up jacks portrait tattoo 🫦

↪ jordan.zegras : ill punch youre other tooth out sir

pally_18 : awww they matched

↪ jordan.zegras I was forced.... u know how I feel about matching w my brother🤮

john.marino97 : she SERVED us a look

jesperbratt : what do I have to do to get u to hang out with me

↪ jordan.zegras : idk be nice ?

tmeier96 : something about these pics bothers me

↪ jordan.zegras : something about you being in my comments bother me

bssmith2 : if I say please can I come next time ?

↪ jordan.zegras : for asking so nicely...... its a no from me

ehaula : how much did Trev pay you to take that pic on the stairs

↪ jessiebby : a lot

↪ ehaula : classic

tofff73 : hi I miss u

↪ jordan.zegras : awwwww Tyler that's so sweet I miss u too

curtislazar95 : read a book

↪ jordan.zegras : no

akiraschmid93 : vroom vroom

holtz_10 : youre super aesthetic

siegenthaler34 : did they let u drive

↪ jordan.zegras : no, but u knew this

dougieham : 🙈

naterbastia : this gives me mom vibes

jesperboqvist : "trevor im going to tell mom youre being rude if you dont take my picture" - Jordan

A.N :

ok ok ok ok, tell me this isn't the perf pic omg that sweater matches their lil outfits and I just had to. anywhooooooo send in requests plz and thanks and enjoy this :)

tags : @skylershines @quinnylouhughesx43 @noahkahansorangejuice

[rindecisions]

Champion

A request made by @medusapelagia (Technically my first ever request 🎉🤍)

The prompt made me think of a fic that she stated she liked so I made it into another epilogue to follow:

Come and Get Me

Art by @waldos-art

Prompt | "I'm so proud of you" WC | 330 Rating | T CW | Mention on violence Tags | Steve/Eddie/Billy, Fluff, Praise, Kickboxing, Sports AU, Wholesome, Inspirational

༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒

"Six... Seven...”

The referee's countdown faded into nothing but background noise, as all Eddie could hear was his own heavy breathing and the pounding of his heart. This had been his hardest fight yet, and he was worried that if his opponent got up, he'd lose his first match and a fucking title one at that.

He watched in disbelief as his opponent struggled and failed to get to his feet in time. As soon as the finishing bell rang, Eddie fell to his knees in shock.

"And Eddie 'The Freak' Munson takes the title of World Welterweight Champion!" The announcer shouted enthusiastically over the intercom.

Eddie's arm was raised by the referee, urging him to his feet as Billy rushed into the ring, snatching the belt from the presenter so he could be the one to place it around Eddie.

"I'm so fucking proud of you, Bambi," Billy stated sincerely into Eddie's ear as he clasped the belt behind his back.

Eddie's eyes welled up. Billy had never stated he was proud of him before.

Praise, in general, was rare from Billy. He'd be more likely to tell you where you fucked up than where you succeeded. You had to do something very right in order to hear words of praise, and it took everything in Eddie's power not to spin around and kiss the man right then and there.

Seeing Steve crawl under the ropes to excitedly join them made his heart swell even further.

"Of course you get a title before me," Steve laughed his complaint as he hugged him tightly, not caring that Eddie's sweat was soaking into his shirt. "You should be proud, man," he praised.

With the chaos that was various bodies in the ring, Eddie took the opportunity to wrap an arm around each of them and pull them into a tight hug. "I couldn't have done it without you guys," he huffed weakly, trying not to succumb to his emotions in public.

༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒

Requests are open so feel free to shoot me an ask with a prompt and a ship. 🤍

[fablesrose]

Ch 12 - The Lost Heir Job

Series Rewrite Masterlist 

Pairing: Eliot Spencer x Ford!Reader

Description: The con this week takes a couple turns as they try to steal a rich man's inheritance from his lawyer and give it to the charity he requested before he passed away. The client's lawyer is an interesting character as well.

Words: 4989

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nate didn’t tell anyone, but I knew that he went to see Sophie, despite his insistence of leaving her alone on the last job. I wasn’t sure if she would show up, so I left Nate to meet the client on his own, just in case she did. What I didn’t expect was that our client would bring an attorney and that she would want to know what was going on all of the time or else we didn’t have a client at all. 

“I hate this,” Eliot said when Nate explained the situation. 

“You do not let Vicki Vale into the Batcave, ever,” Hardison said. I would have to refresh my memory on that reference, but I got the jist that he didn’t like the situation either. 

“First, this is my home, not a cave,” Nate replied. “Second, we’re not gonna allow her up here.”

“Sophie would never approve,” Parker said forcefully. “Call her.”

“We can’t just keep calling Sophie.”

“Okay, I see how it is,” Hardison said. “We can’t call her, but you can go off and have a little secret meeting with her.”

I should have known Hardison would already know about it. 

“What are you talking about? I was in Harrisburg, researching a client,” Nate defended. 

“Wow, cause you know what?” Hardison put some evidence on the screen behind Nate, “your passport got dinged going through Heathrow Airport yesterday. Heathrow’s in London. I guess you couldn’t get a direct flight to Harrisburg.”

“Well it’s hard when you do the same day booking,” Eliot pointed out. 

Hardison stuttered a bit in response to Eliot before getting back to his point, “Did you realize that London is the home of the most security cameras in the world?”

“Really?” Parker said, feigning interest. 

“Who feels like playing Where’s Waldo?” Hardison asked. “I do.”

Parker raised her hand with an ‘Oh!’

“Do you think he wore his trenchcoat to be inconspicuous?” I asked.

“Damn girl, it’s like you already knew,” Hardison praised as he showed a picture after picture of Nate, in his trenchcoat. “Waldo Ford. Oh, is that Big Ben? And you?”

We all smiled at each other as Hardison continued to milk it.

“Wow, you got twins and triplets everywhere.” Hardison became more serious, “and lookie there, 11:18 am standing outside of Sophie’s apartment looking quite pensive.”

“Aw, he’s rehearsing what he’s gonna say,” Parker said. “I’ve seen him do that.”

“Alright, alright guys. Okay, you caught me,” Nate conceded. “I went to London. Yeah. I saw Sophie.” He paused, looking at each of us individually. “And she’s not coming back.”

My heart sank. I had already assumed this to be the case since she wasn’t here, but him saying it outloud really hit it home. She wasn’t coming back. 

Parker shook her head, “Not now, or not ever?”

“I, uh, don’t know,” Nate said. “An, uh, I don’t think she does either. So, uh, that’s that.”

There was a moment of silence as we all contemplated what that might mean. 

“Could you please take the…” Nate gestured at the screens behind him with the surveillance photos of him. “Thank you,” he said once they were gone, “Can we get back to work?” Nate stood, moving the stool he was sitting on out of the way. He took a business card out of his pocket, “This… Tara Carlisle. Hardison, maybe you could just do a background check on her and if everything pans out, I don’t see why we can’t have an outsider just this once tag along. Hm?”

I couldn’t help but make a comparison, “I mean, I don’t think it’d be much different than having me around. Especially in the beginning…”

Nobody answered or added to my thought, but I did notice some clenched jaws and subtle head movements, as if weighing the odds. 

“Ok, why don’t you run it for ‘em,” Nate told Hardison. 

Hardison started his slide show, “Meet the late, great Bennett Kimball. He made his fortune the old-fashioned way: polluting, union busting, employing sweatshop labor. His personal life was even worse. Drunken driving accidents, chasing women, paying off the mob. 

“Why haven’t we ever heard of this guy?” Parker asked. 

“Because to the rest of the world,” Nate answered, “Bennett Kimball was a pillar of Boston society. Thanks to one very hard working lawyer.”

“Meet his longtime attorney, Peter Blanchard,” Hardison said, showing his picture on the screen. “This is an interesting guy. He’s a blue blood Harvard Law Graduate who turned into Kimball’s personal janitor. Dude would pay off the cops, pay hush money, God knows what else.”

“And he was rewarded by being named the executor and sole beneficiary of Kimball’s estate,” Nate added. 

“Lovely,” I commented sarcastically, “So he’s invested, to say the least.”

“Mmhm,” Hardison agreed. “See, Kimball didn’t have any kids. He had a couple of ex-wives way, way back, but Blanchard is the closest thing he has to family.”

“Well, I guess this Blanchard guy didn’t count on his client having such a giving side,” Eliot said. 

“Funny how that works,” Nate replied, standing up. “What happens to rich people when they know the end is near… It’s really, really amazing. Okay, I don’t know that we have a legal angle to play on this one, because in three days, he is going to present the will in probate court and assume control of the estate.”

“And our client’s charity gets nothing,” Parker said. 

“Now, Blanchard was the keeper of Kimball’s secrets so…” Nate continued, “Yeah, so that’s our way in, right there.”

“You want a skeleton from his closet,” Parker deduced, a bit excited. 

“Absolutely,” Nate agreed, “and there’s gotta be tons of skeletons. I mean, we want something so scary that the mere mention of it makes this guy run for his checkbook. So, uh, if that weren’t hard enough, we’ve got the chaperone to think about.” Nate clapped his hands a bit awkwardly at the task we had a head, and then took his exit. 

“Tara Carlisle,” Hardison said to us. He, Nate, Eliot, and I stood outside of a prison, waiting for the attorney to arrive. “She checks out. Civil rights lawyer, does a lot of pro bono work. Collects lost causes like kittens.”

She pulled up in a low profile sudan, practical. 

“Well, she’s honest,” Eliot commented.

“Crusader, incorruptible,” Hardison said as she stepped out of her car. She wore heels and a pencil skirt, professional, but still flattering along with her blond half updo and glasses. Hardison seemed to notice as he added, “And one sexy librarian.”

I looked over at him and Eliot with a raised eyebrow, but they kept their gaze on her. I rolled my eyes as I returned my gaze to the newcomer. 

Nate waved and walked to stand beside her, “Hey guys, I’d like you to meet Tara Carlisle. She’s our client’s attorney. She’s gonna be joining us today.”

“I’m here because I believe we share a common goal,” she said as she shook our hands. “I just want to make sure it’s done the right way.” She turned to Nate, “Now, you said you had something we could use against Blanchard?”

Nate nodded, signaling for Hardison to explain.

“Okay, well behind these prison walls, or, um, prison shrubs,” Hardison started, pointing at the low security prison, “is Kimball’s former business partner, PJ Orson. He’s doing ten years for embezzlement. Kimball’s company paid $50,000 to a company called Lamond Holdings back in 1980.” Hardison was about to continue when he zeroed into Tara dutifully taking notes in a little note pad. 

“That?” Nate asked. “Yeah, she does that. It’s okay, go ahead.”

Hardison continued, “Well, Lamond Holdings is a Vegas front company for the mob.”

“Yeah, $50,000 used to be the going rate for a contract killer in those days,” Eliot clarified helpfully. 

“I’m not gonna ask how you know that,” I said before I could stop myself, since I had an idea.

“Good, cuz you don’t want to know.”

“Fair enough.”

“You think Kimball paid to have somebody killed?” Tara asked. 

I didn’t have to look at Eliot or Hardison to know that we all made a little bit of a face at the question. 

“Okay,” Nate took the attention to himself, “now what we’re gonna do right now is we’re going to go undercover.”

“Well, why don’t we go talk to Mr. Orson?” Tara asked.

Hardison and Eliot laughed. 

“No. The best lie is the truth Mr. Ford,” she said resolutely. “I think if we go in there, and plead our case, Mr. Orson will wanna talk to us.” 

She had so much confidence walking into that prison with Nate and I behind her, even up to explaining the situation to Orson. Until he laughed in her face. 

Nate and I glanced at each other with a knowing look. Eliot and Hardison were getting ready for undercover anyway. It looked like we would need them after all, crazy. 

Orson explained to Tara how he was living a very comfortable life in the prison. He didn’t need his sentence reduced, he didn’t need any deals. 

Once Orson left, Nate told Hardison and Eliot to put the squeeze on him and for Parker to case Blanchard’s office. Nate then turned to us, “Why don’t you two come with me. I’m about to become a really terrible lawyer. You can watch.” He then turned to exit the prison. 

I waited for Tara to gather her things, walking alongside her, “Don’t worry, it’ll be fun.” 

She gave me a skeptical look.

I reached my hand out to shake again, “I’m Y/n, Y/n Ford.”

She shook it cautiously this time, “Daughter?”

I shook my head, “Niece, but he raised me after my parents passed.” She let out a quiet, ‘ah,’ but before she could provide condolences as I could see she was about to, I spoke again. “So, I have to deal with his bullshit all the time, trust me, you’ll enjoy yourself at least a little bit.”

The three of us headed over to the courthouse after Nate changed into an… interesting suit to say the least.  It was a three piece suit, everything was powder blue except for his tie, which was orange. It was clear–he was there to make a statement. 

“Look, Blanchard’s here at the same time as you are. That’s a coincidence,” Tara said excitedly as she spotted Blanchard in the hallway. 

“No, it’s not,” Nate said, “we hacked into his online appointment schedule.” He quickly corrected himself, “I mean, yes, what a coincidence.” He waved a hand at us, “why don’t you wait for me outside?”

“What are you going to do?” Tara asked.

Nate stumbled over his words trying to say what he was doing somewhat discreetly, “uh, make an appointment with… You’ll see.” Nate then walked ahead of us, past Blanchard, to a judge’s door.

I stepped slightly in front of Tara, facing her as if to have a conversation, “You can watch over my shoulder, make it a bit less suspicious.”

She nodded, tilting her head curiously as she did as I told her. I in turn listened as Nate knocked on the door. 

“Hi there. Listen, Jimmy Popodokolos, Las Vegas, attorney at law. I’m here to talk to the judge about the Kimball probate hearing.” He then obnoxiously kept throwing in filler words and “very important”s  as the secretary tried to put him down for an appointment. 

“Oh, can you see Blanchard? He must be peeved,” I asked Tara. 

She hesitated, “Well, he’s facing away from me…”

“Come on, you’re a lawyer, don’t you know body language?” I didn’t wait for her answer before stretching a bit, peeking towards Blanchard in the process. “Yeah, he looks tense, this’ll be good.”

Once Nate was done talking to the judge he came walking back towards us. Tara and I quickly fell into step with him as we exited the court house.

“I think we should go back to the prison, something tells me Orson is gonna talk to us,” Nate said, stepping into the car. 

I laughed to myself a bit, knowing that Eliot and Hardison must have been successful in scaring the crap out of him. They were posing as guards within the prison and were stirring up trouble for Orson. The very real threat of getting him transferred to maximum security prison was looming over his head. 

Tara was confused, but Nate refused to elaborate.

“Who are you guys? Feds, playing hardball?” Orson asked once Tara picked up the phone again. 

“I’m sorry, what are you…?” she said. 

“Listen, the payment to Lamond Holdings was made to someone named George Gilbert.”

“Who is George Gilbert?”

“I don’t know. Blanchard said to keep it to ourselves because the mob was involved. That’s all I know, I swear. I don’t want to die in a prison riot. Please, call off your dogs.” The guard then came and told him that time was up, so he left the visiting area. 

“Alright, so Blanchard paid the mob $50,000 to kill someone named George Gilbert for Kimball,” Nate said. “Well, this should be an interesting meeting.” Nate then swiftly exited the room, Tara and I close behind. She was substantially more confused than before. 

Nate went to meet with Blanchard with this new found information to try and blackmail him a bit and buy enough time for Parker to break into Blanchard’s safe in his office. I went back to my apartment and changed into some comfier clothes and made myself a snack. I should have been excited to have another “outsider” around, to be able to share what I’ve discovered with someone else. But for some reason, it made me a bit anxious hanging around her. Like something wasn’t right. I tried to shake it off, it wouldn’t be the first time anxiety built up for no reason. Having a minute to myself in my apartment helped, I was able to decompress away from people for a little while. 

That was until Eliot knocked. When I opened my door, I didn’t fail to catch the quick look over he did and the slight tilt of his head. I took a second myself to admire how the long sleeves of his white undershirt were pushed up to his elbows before locking my eyes with his.

“We need you over here again. There’s been a change of plans,” he stepped away from the door, letting me step out after him. 

I rolled my eyes as I pulled the door shut behind me, “when isn’t there.”

“Touche.” 

Eliot gave me a quick run down as we crossed the hall and entered Nate’s apartment. It wasn’t a mob hit that Blanchard paid for. It was a stripper, a pay off to make her disappear. Nate then claimed that Parker was Kimball’s child from that stripper. 

Parker was complaining when we sat down that she was one digit away from cracking the safe. 

“Yeah, no. This is much, much better than the safe,” Nate assured. 

“I got everything on Georgia Gilbert, and I mean everything,” Hardison said. He relayed her birthdate, education, medical tidbits, including that she was colorblind, and even her shoe and dress size, heaven forbid. “And how in the world did you know that she was pregnant?”

“Wait, she was pregnant?” Parker asked. 

“Yeah, gave the baby up for adoption.”

“What happened to Georgia?”

“She died in 1985. Cancer.”

My face scrunched up in sympathy. That must have been rough. 

“Tough draw,” Eliot said. 

“Well, it wasn’t really a guess,” Nate said, bringing us back to Hardison’s question. “I mean, for decades Kimball, he had a lot of women on the side, avoided a lot of scandal, right? So what made him decide to marry Georgia Gilbert over all those women?”

“Blanchard paid her off and Kimball thought she ran out on him,” Eliot said. 

“Now, how did you know that baby was a girl?” Hardison asked. 

“Oh, oh yeah… That- that was a guess,” Nate admitted. 

Eliot and I chuckled a bit. The luck of this man…

“But, that’s a fifty-fifty deal.” 

“Why don’t we find the real daughter?” I asked. 

“Adoption records are sealed, paper only,” Hardison replied. “I have a reference number, but nobody can see inside. All this is good, until Blanchard wants a DNA test. I gotta say, even with my bag of tricks, I can’t rewrite Parker’s genetic code.”

“That’s quitter talk,” I said simply. 

“You know what-”

“Yeah, so we just have to convince him that asking for DNA is the worst possible choice he can make,” Nate said, cutting Hardison from a retort. 

“How do we do that?” Eliot asked. 

“We don’t.”

Nate briefed Tara of the plan. She was to go to a meeting with Blanchard and do some reverse psychology to get him to not want a DNA test. With Hardison attaching one of Parker’s aliases to the adoption reference number, it made it look like Parker was the missing daughter. It sounded like it was pretty successful, but only time would ultimately tell. 

It didn’t take long for Blanchard’s assistant to call, setting up a meeting with Nate and Parker. While it seemed like good news, I’ve been learning not to celebrate until we were truly home free. 

I decided to go to the hearing both to show some moral support and just in case something went awry. I had an earbud in, listening to how the meeting was going to go on the riverfront. Eliot went along as well, just in case. It was a good thing, because not long after they arrived, I heard gunshots. 

“Nate?!” I tried to whisper. Luckily the hearing hadn’t started yet, so others were chatting, but Tara heard and looked towards me with a worried expression. I waved her off, quickly and quietly exiting the courtroom. “Eliot, what’s going on?”

“Well, he was convinced alright,” Parker answered instead after the fighting noises stopped. “Good plan.”

“No, no, no, this is good,” Nate panted. “Because, I mean, you know, we get you to the hearing, he’ll cut us a check in the hallway just to keep you from getting in front of that judge. Just make sure that Parker gets to that hearing. No matter what.”

I started pacing the hallway. This wasn’t good, but hopefully salvageable. 

“Hardison, give me some good news,” Nate asked after a little while.

“Oh, I’ve got some great news for ya,” he answered, somewhat sarcastically. “They just put an APB on Parker. It says she’s a late 20s Caucasian woman who shot an officer. She’s an addict and she’s armed. Trifecta.” 

“Hardison, how good’s the description of her?” Eliot asked, but Hardison didn’t have to answer as I heard sirens coming through from his end. 

“Pretty good,” Parker answered. 

I listened to the background noises of them running and then eventually Nate took a call from Blanchard. Once he hung up he addressed us. 

“Hardison, y/n, Blanchard’s headed to the courthouse. You’ve gotta delay him. Buy us some time.”

“How do you expect us to do that?” Hardison asked. 

“I don’t know, use your imagination.”

“Just use my imagination…” Hardison said to himself before trailing off. 

“Do you want me up there in the foyer, Hardison? Or should I stay back here, behind the security check?” I asked him. I was fumbling over what I could do to keep him from getting here. 

“Uh,” He said, it sounded like he was rummaging through his pockets, “No, I think I have an idea to keep him here at the security check for a while. Stay back there to run last minute interference if necessary.”

I sighed shakily, “Okay… okay okay.” 

He started talking with people in the lobby, asking for things to help, I assumed. I looked around, trying to think about what I could do to slow Blanchard down once he got here. What would Sophie do? Think of the classic tricks, the plausible movie tropes. My eyes flicked around the corridor, catching benches and people milling around. Then someone walked by with a coffee cup.

That might work. 

I was impressed with how long Hardison held Blanchard up at the security check, but it wasn’t long enough, Nate was still running behind. To top it off, Parker couldn’t find a way into the courthouse since every entrance was covered by police. I didn’t manage to find any coffee, but I did find a cup and water, so it would have to do. I poured some on the ground a little ways from the courtroom, to have a little more space. I had the rest of the water in the cup, ready for some oscar worthy performances. 

I watched as Blanchard turned the corner. I hyped myself up a bit, I had rough housed a little in college, played a pick up game every once in a while. I could do this. I timed it so I slipped on the water one step in front of him as I crossed the hall, not giving him time to avoid me. As I fell I took his legs out from under him and spilled the rest of my water for good measure. Unfortunately I fell a bit wrong and he fell on top of me, not quick enough to catch himself. 

“Aw, shit,” I whispered to myself. That hurt. I vaguely heard Nate talking to everyone else, giving orders to tweak the plan again, but I wasn’t listening. A crowd had gathered around, helping Blanchard and I up. 

He quickly apologized, but excused himself. He tried to run, but the water made the floor slippery, which significantly slowed his progress. I wanted to smile at the little victory, but I was soaking wet and my body was aching, so I just gently shook myself off before slowly following him. 

I sat down next to Hardison in the back of the courtroom once I got there and he gave me tentative knuckles. I touched my fist to his with a sigh, “that went better in my head.”

“Well, you bought some time, so…” he shook his head a bit, “but maybe don’t hurt yourself next time.”

“Noted.”

Nate loudly entered the courtroom as Tara was questioning our client on the stand. After introducing himself, the judge demanded that Nate represent the missing heir immediately. Nate took a moment to gather his things and thoughts, which the judge allowed. I heard Tara scold him a bit for posing as a lawyer through his comms.

“Well, stick around. I’m about to practice medicine, too,” he retorted back softly. 

I turned to Hardison, “oh, this’ll be good.” To which he nodded. 

“Uh, Your Honor, I’d like to offer into evidence these documents showing a payment that Mr. Blanchard made to a Georgia Gilbert, a woman I contend bore Mr. Kimball’s child,” Nate said. 

“Yes, Your Honor,” Blanchard interrupted, “Mr. Popodoklips-”

“It’s Popodokolos.”

“Pokadolokisp… Pop… Popa-”

“Popodokolos.”

“This man!” Blanchard said louder, “spun these fairy tales in my office. It’s a shakedown from a disbarred-”

“Suspended!”

“Ambulance chaser from Las Vegas!” He shouted. “And he says that he found Bennett Kimball’s daughter. So I only have one question for him,” he said much calmer. “Where is she?”

Everyone stared at each other for a moment before Nate replied, “I could produce her, Your Honor, if you just allow me to ask the witness one question. One question to the witness.”

The judge nodded, “Please.”

Nate then walked up to our client, “Miss Walton. What… color… is my tie?”

She hesitated, “I don’t know. I’m color blind.”

Nate went on to explain to the judge, and everyone else in the room, that both Bennett Kimball and Georgia Gilbert were color blind. It was extremely rare for a woman to be color blind, both parents would have to be color blind for her to have it. 

“Wait…” Ruth said from the witness stand, “Are you saying that I’m Bennett Kimball’s daughter?”

“It’s no coincidence, is it, that you started a program helping foster kids get adopted?” Nate asked her. “No coincidence, is it Miss Walton?”

“No, I was adopted myself.”

“Yes, in 1982,” Nate said. “You were two years old. The state of Nevada.”

“Yes,” she said in disbelief. 

“Now the last time you saw Bennett Kimball, he called you by a different name, didn’t he? What was it?” He asked, but she didn’t answer. “Gigi? Georgia Gilbert. Gigi.”

She nodded imperceptibly on the stand. 

“That’s who he was looking at when he saw you that day. Your birth mother, the woman he loved and lost in 1980.” This whole time he was speaking just to Ruth it seemed, but he then addressed the judge, “Your Honor, Bennett Kimball didn’t call Miss Walton here out of the blue to donate money to her charity. He searched for her. He searched for his daughter.”

“I move to strike Mr. Popodokos’s evidence from the record based on the fact that I haven’t been able to get adequate time to review these outlandish claims and prepare a proper response,” Blanchard said almost desperately. 

“Popodokolos,” Nate corrected again. 

“Popodokolos!” He nearly screamed. 

“I agree, Your Honor,” Tara said, standing elegantly. “And I would also like to add a motion to compel a DNA test to put to rest any doubt that my client is Mr. Kimball’s daughter. The truth will win out.”

“Motion granted,” the judge said. “When we get the results, I expect I will be awarding Miss Walton the Kimball estate. We’re adjourned.”

Blanchard wasn’t too happy with that outcome. He got even more upset once he was arrested as a result of the dirty files Parker handed over to the authorities from Blanchard’s office. He was screaming insults and suspicions that Nate wasn’t a lawyer as he was dragged out of the courtroom. 

“So,” Nate said to Tara, “do you still think law is, you know, the only pathway to justice?”

“Now more than ever,” she replied. “I like to think that you learned something from me today.”

She then left the courtroom with a pep in her step. We all filed out after her, heading back to the pub. 

We met up with Ruth, giving the bit of closure we could when Nate asked her where her lawyer, Tara, was. 

“My lawyer? I never met her before this week,” she replied confused. “She told me she was with you.”

We all shared a look. We quickly said our goodbyes to Ruth, wishing good luck, before heading up to Nate’s apartment. Once we entered, it wasn’t hard to spot Tara sitting in the middle of the room. She was wearing more comfortable and revealing clothes compared to her lawyer outfit. She also wore darker makeup and had her hair down.

“Took you long enough,” she said, much more relaxed than before as well. She waved an envelope in her hand. 

Eliot stepped in front of us, “Who are you?”

“Tara Cole,” she replied easily. “I’m a friend of Sophie’s.” She handed the envelope to Nate, “She said you were short handed, asked me to help. It’s in there.”

Eliot stood intimidatingly close to her, arms crossed. Parker looked her up and down evaluating. 

“So you help out by lying to us,” Hardison accused. 

“I wanted to see how good you really are,” she answered simply. “And show you how good I am. Consider it my audition.”

I stood back a bit, giving some space, “well, I’m never ignoring that gut feeling again.” I said, somewhat to myself, but I didn’t mind if anyone heard. Tara tilted her head and raised an eyebrow at me in response. 

“I bet you’re not even a lawyer,” Parker said, a bit of disgust in her voice. 

“Awe, Sophie was right. You are adorable.”

“Excuse me?”

Eliot, Hardison, and I stepped in a bit there, trying to defuse the situation that would surely lead to Parker starting a fight. It stayed at a bit of arguing before Nate caught our attention.

“She’s right. Sophie did send her.” Nate looked back at the letter, “And, uh, Sophie asked us to give Tara here a shot.” Nate handed the letter to Hardison to read to confirm. “Well played. Welcome aboard.”

“Thanks,” Tara said, shaking Nate’s hand. She then started for the door.

“Whoa whoa. Hold up,” Hardison said, stopping her. “What is this?” He held out another paper. 

“Oh, that’s my invoice,” She said. “For my cut of the inheritance.” We all stared at her for a moment. “Hey, I’m not a candy striper. This is my job.”

We turned to Nate and he gave a single, slow nod. 

“There, see? We’re getting paid already. It’s gonna be fun.” She then made her exit. 

I sighed after a moment, “well, I say we sleep on it. Not worry about it tonight.” I stretched a bit, a groan leaving my lips when a bruise protested. 

They all hummed in agreement, dispersing themselves and the tense energy around us, just a little bit. 

Eliot stepped up beside me, “How’re you feeling? I heard you took a tumble, just tackled Blanchard to the ground.”

I chuckled a bit, “Something like that. I’m okay, nothing like what you do, but I’m definitely gonna be finding bruises.”

He shook his head, “yeah, but you’re not used to it like I am.” 

“True.” We headed to the door, Eliot walking me across the hall.

“Take a warm bath, epsom salts help the aches,” he said once I opened up my apartment. 

I looked up at him, his eyes were shifting around my face, as if looking me over. If I didn’t know him, I would have said he was nervous. “Thanks, I’ll do that.”

He nodded and then turned and started down the exit stairs supposedly going home as I shut my apartment door softly.

A/n: Reblogs and comments are welcome and encouraged! Thank you for reading!

Tags: @instantdinosaurtidalwave @kniselle @technikerin23 @kiwikitty13@plasticbottleholder

[ao3feed-brucewayne]

The Tragedy of Jane Waldoe

by jaskierbooty Mana was two years old when she had witnessed her first death, a row of inmates gunned down as an exposure test. When she turned three, she would learn how to hold those same guns, and by four, she would learn to use them for the same purposes. The facility taught her and her friends that it was their duty, that they would be the next to fight the crimes of the world. What they didn't count on was Mana remembering how those who failed the test had been eliminated along with the inmates, and that she was more than willing to bring them all down. Now all she needed was to get help from the outside world, hopefully convincing them to spare her friends, and ending the fight before it could begin. OR Mana, a walking perception filter a la "Where's Waldo?" decides to seek justice, one way or another. And if she meets certain heroes, villains, and everyone in between that are willing to take her in, it was only a small price to pay. OR Jason Todd becomes a dad without meaning to, but will not back down. Words: 30388, Chapters: 2/2, Language: English Fandoms: Batman - All Media Types, Batman (Comics), Red Hood: The Hill Rating: Mature Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death Categories: Gen Characters: Original Child Character(s), Jason Todd, Joker (DCU), Clark Kent, Bruce Wayne, Damian Wayne, Dick Grayson Relationships: Jason Todd & Original Character(s), Damian Wayne & Original Character(s), Joker (DCU) & Original Character(s), Bruce Wayne & Original Character(s), Clark Kent & Original Character(s), Dick Grayson & Original Character(s), Stephanie Brown & Original Character(s), Cassandra Cain & Original Character(s), Barbara Gordon & Original Character(s), Batfamily Members (DCU) & Original Character(s) Additional Tags: Original Character-centric, Jason Todd Needs A Hug, Bruce Wayne Needs a Hug, but also Bruce Wayne needs therapy, they all do, POV Original Character, major original character - Freeform, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Eating Disorders, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, graphic description of violence, i think i'm not actually sure i haven't posted anything on this site in a WHILE, Not Beta Read, not beta read we die like Jason Todd, BAMF Jason Todd, Protective Jason Todd, Jason Todd Has Issues, and becoming a Dad seems to be the best way to cope lmao, Jason Todd Gets A Hug, Bruce Wayne is Bad at Communicating, Bruce Wayne Tries to Be a Good Parent, Batfamily (DCU), Batfamily (DCU) Feels, Batfamily Dynamics (DCU), Batfamily Shenanigans (DCU), Protective Batfamily (DCU), Domestic Batfamily (DCU), Caring Batfamily (DCU), Jason Todd is a Batfamily Member, Duke Thomas is a Batfamily Member, Filipino Character, Father-Daughter Relationship, Found Family, Damian Wayne Has a Heart, Protective Damian Wayne, Damian Wayne Gets a Hug, Protective Clark Kent, Jonathan Samuel Kent is a Ray of Sunshine, Dead Alfred Pennyworth, Major Character Injury, Jason Todd Becomes a Dad via https://ift.tt/7s8gYwn

[antebellumite]

top 5 antebellum politicians, not including presidents

For the sake of not making this response boring, Im going to personally remove all three of the triumvirs from the running. All three of them are now in Spot 0. Benton and Hayne can be there too.

Which leaves five spots for...

John Randolph of Roanoke literally the MOST fascinating guy. Hes wilder than a herd of horses hoarse on meth. literally created a slur. he brought dogs into congress and stripped in the house of reps and got into verbal and physical fights. he dueled everyone to the point where his contemporaries commented that he should be in a straightjacket. he asked the cousin of the person he was dueling with to be his second in the same duel. he was a dramatic bitch who ordered a european badge of honor to be made for him in honor of that duel. he bemoaned that no one would care about him when he died. when he was near death he painstakingly made his way to the us congress gallery to hear henry clays beautiful voice one last time. whenever the wife of a congressmen he was insulting was in the gallery he doubled down on his insults. when he died he freed the people he enslaved but he did a piss poor job so everything just fell apart. he has tuberculosis but it was contained solely to his dick and so he suffered an inferiority complex and an inability to progress past puberty because of it. and also maybe he had klinefelter syndrome bc of a imbalance either ways, my name on discord is john randolph hrt not because i GENUINELY think he would support hrt, but because the fact that there is a CHANCE he would is still higher than the rest of his colleagues.

Henry Wise also the most insane guy of the time period. like jror, got into fights, but this was way more about slavery. he picked fights with jqa all throughout the gag war. surprisingly woke on several topics including thanksgiving and the rights of native americans. he says some of the funniest things ever sometimes. he thinks abolitionist is a slur. he became a general in the confederate army but got kicked out for being a bitch. somehow flip flopped between every. single. political. party. of his era. including almost becoming a republican near the end of his life. his irreverence for law and order is astounding. he bullied john tyler and literally everyone in congress. the fact that he was drinking buddies with franklin pierce and got him elected but also got pierces friend killed in the cilley graves duel is insane. the fact that in order to try and get henry clay the presidential nomination he literally bent his knee at hugh lawson white and did the equivalent of the uwu face is insane. the fact he more or less murdered john brown is insane. the fact that ralph waldo emerson said that if brown and wise were in a different life, they could have been friends is even more insane. like damn ralph waldo emerson now is NOT the time to be shipping abolitionist john brown and the slavery supporting secessionist governor of virginia who murdered him together. also not going to lie the fact that he never sought a pardon after his involvement in the confederacy is actually a breath of fresh air for this time period. go girl acknowledge that you are undeserving of a pardon or forgiveness for your crimes. i honestly cant do this guy justice without just telling you gto look at my #the field of blood tag. this guy. also i will not lie i did not actually understand his violent tendancies (which to his credit he wasnt like a maniac or anything ) until i saw his photograph. and uh yeah. shaking hands meme between jror and henry wise and the connecting factor is looking feminine and having a serious complex because of it.

Hugh Lawson White his hair. the way hes the only antebellum politician whos wikipedia page actually says what his personality and style was like. fascinating.

Charles Sumner hes such a loser. he deserved so much better. once he fell of a train. he was called his great impotency. he got caned one time and thats all everyone ever remembers about him. his main biographer did him SO DIRTY. he might be ace he might be gay. the hermaphrodite by julia ward howe is probably about the love triangle between julia him and samuel howe, julias husband. he has incredibly modern beliefs about things! hes funny and he has a three way benign rivalry betwen himself seward and douglas. he waxed poetic about daniel websters head and then felt betrayed by him. he once stroked his own head glumly. his eyebags. he got hit with a brick once. his handsomeness is the work of legends. hes awkward and gentlemanly and depressing and optimistic and so many many things its beautiful and he was beautiful and i love him so much! i love his friendship with mary todd lincoln and the way he was basically looming in abraham lincolns window every other night throughout the civil war.

William Plumer Jr. LITERALLY my guy!! his anecdotes are all so fascinating. the time he had a very dramatic meeting with daniel webster about Fate and Destiny. his involvement with preserving american history from the very beginning. just lovely and wonderful and i basically yassify him whenever i imagine him in my head. just wonderful. and these are basically all of them i think, though i like a lot of congressmen of this era.

Bonus, have a drawing of henry wise, a calhouny hugh lawson white for some reason, and fem plumer!

[hellaversepolls]

sequel to this poll